Well, after a rather long hiatus, I am going to attempt to write a few lines and simply share from my experiences over the past several months.
First of all, this year, in many respects has been like no other that I have ever experienced. It has been a season of struggle,to say the least! I have felt a sense of heaviness and depression at times like I have never known before, and anxious periods have often seemed more than I could bear. Various reasons could be identified as catalysts for these "dark nights of the soul", a Father's serious and life threatning illness, a layoff from a long time job, and a reoccuring sense of my own failure in what I perceive, I "ought" to be doing for my Lord.
I am naturally introspective and prone to see my areas of weakness and defeat rather than the manifold blessings that God has graciously bestowed upon me throughout my life.
I wrestle regularly with the weightiness of guilt and accusation with regards to what I am here for, and am I fulfilling that purpose.
It is hard sometimes to discern "how we should then live". In particular, how should I go about pursuing service to my Savior. That is to say, am I doing what He would have me to do and am I adequately utilizing what He has committed into my hands?
I see such need on all sides and in every direction.....I, many times, feel so heavy and useless in the great and evident causes that surround me!
The question comes that David asked as Goliath withstood the armies of Israel, "Is there not a Cause?" Yes, I respond, there is most certainly a cause!....but, it seems to me, that it goes no further than the repeated acknowledgement that "there is a cause!!"
Through all of these strivings of heart and mind I cling to the Sovereignty of God and I run back for refuge to the truth of His governance of all things and times. I also am humbled and stirrred to praise when I think of God's tender care for me in this past year through the compassion and encouragement of brother's and sister's in Christ!! Apart from this, I would have been cast down in despair many times! I have been held up and strengthened innumerable times by believers, some of which I have never met face to face. I have no doubt that God brought them into my path for "such a time as this". His mercies are new every morning!!! He loves the unlovely!!
Many questions still flood my mind, but, I find solace in His provisions. I ask for your fervent and earnest prayers on my behalf as I seek to know when to be still and when to move!
I am convinced that God doeth all things well and that He enrolls us in the "courses" that will teach us what we do not yet understand as we ought, nevertheless, I am often a slow learner!!
So, again, I would ask that you bring my cause before the Throne of Grace and intercede on my behalf to the one who loved us and gave Himself for us!
