"Shades of Gray"

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."(Prov.17:22)

There is a pain that X-Rays can't detect, that blood tests can't reveal. There is a pain that an aspirin cannot aleviate, that ointments cannot soothe.

There is a pain that cannot be truly understood by onlookers unless it is experienced, in all it's foul character.

I am speaking of the pain and struggle of depression. To those who have been or are chronically affected by this tenacious foe, physical pain would be a welcome exchange! It is an enemy that is relentless in it's attacks!.....It is an enemy that paints the world of the afflicted in "shades of gray".

It is an enemy that has afflicted many well known figures, both in the secular realm and the Spirtual realm, throughout history.

This malady is also referred to as "Melancholy". We have all probably heard of persons as being of a "melancholy temperment", that is, they tend to experience seasons of gloom and down-heartedness throughout their lives and they seem to undergo these transformations without warning, or for no visible reason.

Melancholy is defined as: "a gloomy state of mind/ gloomy and depressed/ downcast,glum"

And so it is!!......That is, if words can adequately define and describe it!

This "gloomy state of mind" effects the sufferer not only emotionally and mentally, but as the Proverb states above, it "drieth the bones", that is, there are physical manifestations as well. The stress of it effects the entirety of our mortal frame, and seems to pull at every tendon and put every nerve on high alert!!

It is an adversary whose appetite is never satisfied, and which seeks to consume its victim body and soul!

I have known this "stubborn darkness" in some degree for most of my earthly life, sometimes more intimately than others, but never completely void of its foul influences and insinuations.

This inward companion taints every facet of life, indeed it does paint all in "shades of gray". It is a insatiable leach that sucks the life out of all things and continually cries in the mind, "vanity of vanities, all is vanity!"

Life and this world becomes something to be avoided. Most things seem to be wearisome tasks that must be done in order to just "make it through the day".
There is an overwhelming sense of futility that permeates all things, even those things which once brought a measure of joy and satisfaction.

This cruel disease also manifests itself in anxiety/panic attacks as it pushes and pulls at every fiber and chemical balance in the body. Obsessive thoughts often intrude. For the Christian there is morbid introspection. "Have I pleased God today? Have I done enough? Do I truly bear the marks of a Christian, or am I self-deceived?"
On and on these thoughts go as they drive the afflicted deeper and deeper into despair!

There is a desperate desire to climb out of this dark hole, but seemingly the walls are smooth and oiled, and every attempt to climb out is met with failure and the continuing vicious cycle of defeat and condemnation of mind!
Others try to help, they remind the sufferer of all the "good things" in life. Bible verses are quoted and the person is told to "cheer up"!

I don't doubt the sincerity of these encouragers, but I do certainly question their ability to really understand what this person is actually struggling with!

When you have walked through this world of "stubborn darkness", you become very sensitive and compassionate toward those who are walking that same path! Then, and only then, can you truly feel their pain and enter into their journey through the "valley of the shadow of death!"

For the Christian, there is an invisible hand that holds us up when we feel as if we cannot go on, when we feel as if this will always be my lot in life and that there is no hope!
For the Christian there is One who stands in the "fiery furnace" of affliction with us and assures us that there is indeed a better day coming and that He has endured and borne all of our afflictions and sicknesses on the cross!

For the Christian, there is a "city of refuge", a place of repose, where the battle weary soul can flee and cry with the Psalmist, "Have mercy upon me, o LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed. My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long? Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies sake."
(Psa.6:2-4)

Yes, depression is a horrible malady, a persistent enemy, but God is our strength in the midst of the whelming flood and uses even these struggles for our good and His glory!.......Do I understand the ramifications of it all?...No, but this I do believe and stand upon, God doeth all things well and He makes no mistakes, and if He is for us and has delivered up His own beloved Son on our behalf, how can we not have a hope that looks beyond these present tribulations, to that day when "the former things will not be remembered anymore!"

Depression is indeed a most "stubborn darkness", but there is a Savior who has conquered this world and all it's temporal maladies!!......So, whatever the path He calls us to trod, whether gloomy or bright, He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us and to safely bring us home!!....To Him be all glory!